i've been thinking about fear and loss of control a lot lately. my life, as anyone who knows me can attest, is at present, in pieces. i feel like i'm well into the loss of control part of the experience.

fear comes and goes. some days it is over whelming and makes it difficult to actually do anything. other days it is completely absent leaving me wondering what has happened to the fear and where i have found strength enough to rise above it.

confronting my fear has had me thinking about how we teach ourselves to face fear and how to look beyond it. i'm not sure if everything that has popped to mind is as relevant, but i kept thinking about what the Church teaches me about facing fear, or how favorite characters face the daunting challenge before them, even trying to think about historical reaction to insurmountable odds.

in Invisible Monsters (Chuck Palahniuk's first novel (though not the first published)) the narrator continually falls into the mantra of "i'm sorry mom, i'm sorry god" as she approaches and engages with the challenges before her, knowing that the way she is about to deal with the challenge flies in the face of what she was taught of god and what her mother would expect of her.

Gully Foyle, in Alfred Bester's wonderful morality play of the will-to-power, The Stars My Destination, always returns to the simplicity of his existence, reciting: Gully Folly is my name, and Terra is my nation. Deep space is my dwelling place, the stars my destination. (or some derivative thereof)

when facing the unknown i suppose it is far better to rely on reflexive words that encourage and bolster, rather than being struck dumb in both word and deed. with that in mind, here are a few other mantra's of courage in the face of fear:

The Lord is my shepherd;
I have all that I need.
He lets me rest in green meadows;
he leads me beside peaceful streams.
He renews my strength.
He guides me along right paths,
bringing honor to his name.
Even when I walk
through the darkest valley,
I will not be afraid,
for you are close beside me.
Your rod and your staff
protect and comfort me.
You prepare a feast for me
in the presence of my enemies.
You honor me by anointing my head with oil.
My cup overflows with blessings.
Surely your goodness and unfailing love will pursue me
all the days of my life,
and I will live in the house of the Lord
forever.

I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain.

I do not aim with my hand.
He who aims with his hand has forgotten the face of his father.
I aim with my Eye.
I do not shoot with my hand.
He who aims with his hand has forgotten the face of his father.
I shoot with my Mind.
I do not kill with my hand.
He who kills with his hand has forgotten the face of his father.
I kill with my Heart.